Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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