Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
