i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
