Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
