Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
