every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I had to cum in my sink.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
