I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Less talking, more tequila
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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