I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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