Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
