she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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