dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
