Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
