I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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