This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
