i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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