I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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