walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
