I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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