dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
