I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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