I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
