After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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