i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
