I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
