if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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