Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
