when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I am spending my child support on dildos
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
