I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Randomize
