I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So vagazzling was a success
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
