Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
COCAINE IS GR8
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
