Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
