Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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