Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You've changed since you got that strap on
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