Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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