I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
