Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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