So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
