I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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