You're so nebulous sometimes
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
