I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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