I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
