i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
