Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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