i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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