Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
