Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
