i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
