Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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