Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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