Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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