omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
