its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
